SUSAN COLLINS, TROY THE LOGGER, AND THE MAINE GOP’S EPIC FUCKING FAILURE
By AmyButtermaker | October 14, 2026
What in the ever-loving FUCK did I just watch?
Seriously.
Who the FUCK vetted Susan Collins for these debates?
Who prepared her? Who coached her? And which absolute JAGALOON at the Maine GOP watched this campaign unfold and thought, Yep. We’ve got this.
Because somebody needs to explain how a five-term United States senator, a woman who has spent nearly THIRTY FUCKING YEARS in Washington, managed to turn a debate against Troy Jackson into this much of an embarrassment.
TROY. THE. LOGGER.
And not just any logger.
We’re talking about Troy Jackson, the former Maine Senate president whose longtime partner, Lana Pelletier, is reportedly his SECOND COUSIN.
Yes. SECOND COUSIN.
According to genealogical reporting by The Maine Wire, subsequently covered by The Daily Beast, the two share great-grandparents and have two adult sons together.
I’m sorry, WHAT?
Apparently, in Maine, the family tree occasionally doubles as a dating app.
And before somebody starts screaming, yes, it’s legal. Congratulations. The state of Maine has cleared the relationship. That doesn’t mean the rest of us aren’t allowed to have fucking questions.
But here’s the part that’s actually making my brain short-circuit.
SUSAN COLLINS HAS DECADES OF POLITICAL EXPERIENCE, AND THIS IS THE MATCHUP THAT HAS ME QUESTIONING THE ENTIRE REPUBLICAN CAMPAIGN OPERATION.
Jesus Christ.
This woman has chaired committees, negotiated legislation, navigated presidential administrations, and survived more political battles than most Americans can remember.
She’s not some inexperienced candidate who wandered into a television studio looking for the fucking bathroom.
She’s Susan Collins.
She should be able to walk onto a debate stage, articulate her positions, defend her record, and challenge her opponent without making me wonder whether anybody bothered to prepare her.
And then we get to the Strait of Hormuz.
Susan Collins stood on that debate stage and declared that President Trump didn’t have a good plan for the Iran war. She said he should have anticipated the closure of the Strait of Hormuz.
Well, JESUS CHRIST, Susan.
That’s a serious accusation about American military planning from a sitting United States senator.
And it deserves something more substantial than another recital of how many times you’ve voted to end the war.
You initially voted against FIVE war-powers resolutions. You subsequently supported NINE efforts to end it.
So let’s have an actual fucking conversation about what changed.
What did you know about the administration’s planning? When did you become concerned? And what specific failures are you alleging?
Because the Strait of Hormuz isn’t some obscure geographical surprise that somebody discovered on Google Maps yesterday.
It’s one of the most strategically important maritime chokepoints on the planet.
If you’re going to accuse the president of failing to anticipate its closure, explain exactly what you mean.
THAT is a debate worth having.
Instead, what are we getting?
The Iran war.
Trump.
Tariffs.
More Iran.
More Trump.
And Collins repeatedly reminding everyone that she’s voted to end the war.
SUSAN.
WE FUCKING HEARD YOU.
At some point, repeating your voting record stops sounding like an argument and starts sounding like somebody desperately searching for the next index card.
And here’s where I really start losing my patience.
WHERE THE FUCK IS THE MAINE GOP?
Was there a strategy meeting?
A debate rehearsal?
A campaign adviser with a functioning pulse?
Did somebody sit down with Collins and explain that voters might expect more than a recital of previous votes?
Or did everyone just assume thirty years in the Senate automatically translates into a compelling debate performance?
Because it fucking doesn’t.
Experience is supposed to be an advantage.
Institutional knowledge is supposed to matter.
Political preparation is supposed to be the bare minimum.
And yet here we are.
Watching a Republican incumbent fight for a sixth term against a Democrat whose political biography includes logging, decades in state politics, and a family relationship that sounds like somebody accidentally clicked the wrong branch on Ancestry.com.
And somehow the Republican establishment is making this contest look harder than it ever needed to be.
That’s the fucking story.
Now, don’t misunderstand me.
I’m not suddenly joining the Troy Jackson fan club.
Absolutely fucking not.
The man has his own record, his own positions, and plenty of questions to answer.
Being a logger doesn’t make him stupid. Being a longtime senator doesn’t make Collins brilliant. And having an unusual family arrangement doesn’t tell us whether somebody can govern.
But the contrast is so spectacularly ridiculous that I genuinely cannot believe I’m writing this.
One candidate has nearly thirty years of experience in the United States Senate.
The other is a logger turned politician whose reported family tree has already generated its own national headlines.
And the Republican Party’s response seems to be hoping Susan Collins can simply survive the debates.
SURVIVE?
SHE’S THE FUCKING INCUMBENT.
This shouldn’t be political hostage negotiation.
This should be an opportunity to demonstrate why voters ought to trust her with another six years.
And spare me the inevitable argument that questioning Collins’s debate performance means I must secretly support Jackson.
That’s the sort of intellectually bankrupt bullshit that makes political commentary unbearable.
I can be a conservative and still recognize when a Republican candidate delivers a performance I find embarrassing.
I can criticize the Maine GOP without becoming a Democrat.
And I can laugh at the absolute absurdity of Troy Jackson’s family history without pretending it automatically disqualifies him from public office.
These concepts are not mutually exclusive.
For fuck’s sake.
What bothers me most isn’t even one bad debate.
It’s the complacency.
The assumption that incumbency is enough.
That experience is enough.
That name recognition is enough.
That voters should simply accept whatever candidate the political establishment places in front of them and shut the fuck up.
No.
If you’re asking Americans to send you back to Washington for another six years, you should be prepared to explain WHY.
Clearly.
Confidently.
Without making the people watching wonder whether the campaign staff has collectively wandered off into the Maine wilderness.
And if you’re running the Maine Republican operation, perhaps it’s time to ask some uncomfortable fucking questions of your own.
Who is advising Collins?
What is the debate strategy?
Why isn’t her experience translating into a stronger performance?
And what exactly is the plan for the remaining weeks of this election?
Because hoping Troy Jackson somehow defeats himself is not a campaign strategy.
It’s political malpractice dressed up in a fucking blazer.
I’m watching this as a conservative, and I’m absolutely baffled.
Not because I expected Susan Collins to be some fire-breathing political gladiator.
But because I expected a veteran United States senator to look like she’d actually prepared to defend her own job.
Apparently, that was asking too fucking much.
Thirty years in Washington.
Five Senate terms.
An entire Republican political apparatus.
And somehow I’m sitting here wondering whether Troy the Logger is going to walk away looking like the better-prepared candidate.
The man reportedly had children with his second cousin, and somehow SUSAN COLLINS’S DEBATE PREPARATION is the thing leaving me speechless.
You cannot make this shit up.
Somebody at the Maine GOP needs to explain what the actual FUCK they’re doing.
Because at this point, the only thing getting logged is another spectacular Republican campaign failure.
JESUS CHRIST.
AmyButtermaker
Jagaloons.com